Arthur Miller-Born in October of 1915

And for all my friends who have a literary bent, here’s one of my favorite quotes from the great playwright Arthur Miller, who wrote The Crucible in the 1950’s, during the McCarthy era. A very telling and unfortunately all too prescient play warning of the dangers of authoritarian thinking and hysteria, and of the need for compassion and forgiveness

High School Vignettes to share

Some vignettes of high school that were just jotted down as I look back on the funny and brief moments that made up my high school life. It is such a fleeting time...and the memories, some of them as fresh as if they happened yesterday, are ones that I have enjoyed recalling as I still laugh at some of the best of times from my high school years at Plant.

High School Memories...

The McDonald’s run to the Todd...

From the annals of Plant High: I remember the “McDonald’s runs”…The funniest story I have about that was going with my best friend & her boyfriend to McDonald’s. I was driving, and Kathy told me later what her boyfriend had said.  There was an X-rated movie theater that we would joke about going to that was on the way to McDonald’s. It was called something like …The Todd Theatre, I believe? I remember that we always joked about it, but of course, were “all talk and no action.” I had the two of them in the car and I was driving, and I pulled up to the entrance of Todd Theater and slowed down and put my blinker on. Kathy said Malcolm almost died of embarassment and was sweating bricks that I was serious about going there on our lunch break! He didn’t know what a chicken-S**T I REALLY was!

The telephone pole we missed...

I have thought many times about this when I see the signs in memorium where young people have lost their lives by running into poles as they were out drinking with friends. Kathy & Mary Ann Dubowski were in the front seat of Mary Ann’s Volkwagon bug, and I was in the back, in the middle, just hanging over the front seat to talk…So there we were, three young idiots, driving down the road laughing, and I looked up and there was a telephone pole that was staring me in the face. I said, “Look out!” and Mary Ann swerved the car and we drove on, laughing and yukking it up. We came so close to just wrapping ourselves around this pole, and I have no doubt that it’s something so innocent that can end the lives of the very young & foolish in an instant!

The Dobie Gillis “B.M.O.C.” Moment...

Kathy & I saw one of the Big Men on Campus outside a classroom one day that was worthy of a Dobie Gillis movie…He was trying to make a date with a girl who was seated in class, so he whispered….”Seven-Thirty?” to her as we walked by…That’s always been a huge joke for us: "Seven Thirty?", as we used our best ‘Ginger from Gilligan’s Island’ voice- it could mean anything!

My Cheerleading Tryout Jump...

One of my favorite memories was palling around with Tricia Pope, my Big Sister in Kiwanettes. She used to love to watch me exhibit my “Cheerleading Tryout” jump from 8^th Grade. Of course, my feet didn’t really leave the ground more than one inch, so it always cracked her up. But the earnest approach, hands on hips, staring straight ahead as I walked right into it was enough to get her going every time.

To Kill A Bluejay...

I remember the English class with Mr Foster and his Pink Bat. He would hit the desk of anyone who fell asleep, and I often had creases on my face when I snoozed in his class. He was a bit lax in later years, because I remember he couldn’t think of the name of “To Kill a Mockingbird” and called it “To Kill a Bluejay”!

….

The Girl from the Drive-thru and Math Class...

Kathy & I were in Algebra for Dummies Class, and there was a girl sitting in front of us who would act very assured when I asked her a question that was “Math Related.” Once she was helping me with an algebra problem and I innocently asked her what to do with the extra number or digit that was on the side….and not part of the equation? She looked puzzled, and said, “You put the number over there for now” …which was a HUGE red flag. I said to myself:  “Self: You know as much as she does about this!” So I was telling Kathy later as we drove through the drive-through at Wendy’s about this girl and her defective math. And she innocently looked up at the window and said to the girl working there, “You short-changed me, I think. I gave you a 5, etc….” Now who do you suppose was the girl working at the Wendy’s drive-through window? Yep…the same one who had carried the numbers safely over to the side column in Math class and never quite knew what to do with them…and she had the same stumbles at Wendy’s as she did with me. She said,  “Oh! Well….I think you gave me a 5, and then I took it, carried the three, put this over here…” We were laughing so hard that I don’t know if we ever got the change straightened out!

Mr. Martinez and the down-payment for an “A”

I did hear that Mr Martinez told this story to many other classes. Mr Martinez, the Physiology teacher, was hilarious, very droll, had a dry wit about him. And he would jokingly tell everyone they could get an A if they gave him 50 dollars, or something like that. So I decided to play a prank on a friend of mine, by putting money in the teacher’s box in the main office one morning for Mr Martinez to find. The note was in an envelope and said something like, “Dear Mr Martinez: I know I am not smart enough to get an A in your class. But if you could please take this money as a down-payment, I would like to have an A in your class. I don’t have 50 dollars, but I can give you the rest in installments. Thanks so much! Signed Debbie (Not her real name.) “ So Mr Martinez and another teacher pulled the girl out of class, and they tried to gently tell her that he had just been joking. She threw the money at me later that day: “ Here! Take your money back, I know what you did!”…She told me that it took quite a lot of convincing to let them know that she really did NOT put the money in his box! They kept patting her and telling her not to be embarrassed and ashamed!

How to talk to the 'other side' about Politics

I keep in my mind  a picture of my friends who are on the other side of the aisle constantly when I am angered about something that the administration has done or about their policies. Not because I feel I should blame them for all the faults and disagreements, but to keep in mind they have another way of looking at the same issues. We may not be right all the time, or wrong all the time, but we know that we share some common ground on many things.

We all want what is best for the democracy. Lord knows, getting there is a battle, but we are all in the same boat. If there is a disaster, I call my friends for support and advice. They call me when they need help, or they know they can ask a favor. We don’t shun each other because we are in different political parties, and we are on the other side of the aisle. That’s the way it should work.

Some of my friends are older, and are not on the constant drumbeat of Twitter and Facebook. I don’t post overtly political messages on my personal FB page. I try to moderate my tone, and I don’t use foul language or call the other side nasty names. If I’m angry, and want to storm and rail, I do it in the privacy of my own home, where only my dogs or my mother, who feels as I do, can hear. I vent at meetings with friends and colleagues who feel as I do.

But when there is a national crisis, and one of my best friends calls to talk about it, I LISTEN to her. I don’t call her names, and I don’t interrupt (or try not to.) I try to remember to temper my anger about some of the more egregious policy decisions, and to moderate my language. But I DO vent.....

We need to know how to get along with the other side. Some of the hot button issues are: Abortion, Immigration, Racial issues, Income Inequality and Military Defense/Foreign Affairs. In the coming weeks we will talk about some of these issues that are in play during the fall election season, and are volatile campaign issues that we habitually disagree about.

Hope to hear from you on both sides of the aisle, From Red State/Blue State America, till we meet again, peace to all-ML

Happy Birthday Thomas Pynchon! by mary johnson

Self Esteem Calendar for April

April 2018
Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
1	2	3	4 Beginning Qtr II: Mix it up...Try Something New	5 Theme: Back to Nature	6
8 Enjoy the Silence today..	9 Have a Good News Day!	10 Learn about Recycling...Natural Organic Products	11 Take a break from your routine	12	13 Ask the Right Questions...Critical but not BEING Critical!
15 Take a Nature Walk with a friend or your dog...	16 Email a List to yourself: What works...what doesn’t	17	18 Look for Nature all around you...	19 Growing Group Post: When the Bully is a SIBLING	20 Go to...Holley Gerth’s website
22 Celebrate Earth Day: Eat Local foods	23	24 Go out and look at the Night Sky each day this week	25 Think about Environment you live in	26 What is working for me today?	27
29 Exercise Create a list-5 Positives about You!	30 How do I measure success?

What I like about You....An essay on Addictions of our times

The things I love about alcoholics and drug addicts, and all who fall into the category of substance-abusers is this; their honesty is humbling to me. They are at times laid bare in their pain and their purely beautiful naked souls are exposed for the world to see.

And there am I, a pathetic creature of habits and deeds, so tied to my fears and love of habitual societal norms, plus the comforts of home, that I begin to despise my own lack of innate trust and childlike innocence. It’s that loss of perception where you cocoon yourself and mask all your innermost thoughts and feelings that makes you feel smugly superior owing to your sense of control. It’s that control that covers all the elements of your life.

The irony? All those elements of your life are mostly out of your control. Nothing but manifest destiny lies before us, and we need to tell ourselves daily lies to subsist. It’s that daily lie that Horace Greeley made us believe. It says that if we work hard enough and play by the rules we shall overcome. It’s pure B.S. as are most of the other cynical lies we live and die by.

What I like about addicts is that they are stripped bare of the lies and the artifice at times. At times their lives are laid raw and open for all of us to see. They expose themselves for a time and the world may see them for what they are. They are childlike creatures.

I know they are many other things. They are selfish and shallow, unthinking and uncaring. They focus purely on the thrill of the moment, and not on the long-term consequences. But they are childlike and trusting liars all. They live by the Code of Addicts, which has no code. It’s all for one and one for one only.

We see ourselves as superior beings, but in the light of day, our judgments will be measured by the same jury of one. We are all stripped bare of the lies we tell ourselves and of the artifice of our lives. These things that are self-evident will hold true. We must forgive the addicts among us. For they are part of the society that bred and raised them. We must own up and accept their sins and failings. They are always with us and they walk among us now. We are them and they are us. They are our friends and lovers, our children and parents. Their failings are our own.

At the end of our lives, our souls are laid open with all our lies exposed. That is why we can never judge the addicted and tormented souls that walk amongst us. We can look in the mirror each day and decide to keep it in or to let it go. In the end, the decision will be out of our hands. We must let go of the rage and terror and frustration we feel and learn to simply hate the sin and love the sinner.

Self Esteem Calendar for March: The Growing Group

March 2018
Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
				1 The Theme: Know Thyself	2 Write down: Members of your Support Group	3 Appreciate Life! Have a Fun Day!
4 It’s Oscar Night	5 Know Thyself: List your Personal Goals Long term...	6	7 Do you have a Goals List?	8 Keep a “Needs Improvement” list for only you	9	10 Make a list of Favorite Things YOU like to do...
11	12 Know Thyself: List your good traits	13	14	15 Self Esteem Posts: Friends: Your lifeline...	16 End of Quarter 1: Check off ONE Short-term Goal	17
18 Take the Self-Esteem Quiz	19 Know Thyself: List things you want to learn	20	21	22	23	24 Practice Self-Affirmations-use Sticky Notes
25 An Exercise: First write negative Self-talk	26 Know Thyself: List your achievements	27 Exercise Part II: Flip it around and make it positive	28	29 Keep your lists together...and look through	30 End of Qtr I: Checklist	31

The Growing Group: Self Esteem Calendar for February

February 2018                               Self Esteem Calendar for February

Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
				1 The Future: Theme is Living for Today	2 Groundhog Day	3 Make up your Celebration Notebook
4	5 Ways to use the Monthly Prompts...	6	7 Take Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies Quiz.... Who are you...?	8	9	10 List your Core Values List Five
11	12 Lincoln’s Birthday	13	14 St. Valentine’s Day Ash Wednesday	15 The Growing Group: Self Esteem Post: Having a Pet...	16 Chinese New Year	17 Healthy Self Esteem: Meditate-Learn to Breathe!
18 Check out the Facebook Growing Group Page	19 President’s Day	20	21 Commitments: Journaling-Your Self Esteem Journal	22	23	24 Check out the Growing Group Magazine Online...
25 Good Intentions: Start your Daily Affirmations!	26 Your Exercise: Writing your vision of Utopia....	27	28 Purim	For February: Thinking about the Future; Growing with Intent and realizing your potential!

Thinking about My Letter from Birmingham Jail

In reading Reverend Martin Luther King's Letter from Birmingham Jail, I’m struck at once by the single-minded tenacity and the character of the man. His presence was that of a charismatic preacher, yet his words are those of a thoughtful and learned scholar. He was both of these things and more.

I often wonder when I read his words written so many years ago about my own commitment to a cause greater than myself. It’s the same whispering voice we all hear when we think of those who fled the oppression of Nazi Germany in World War II. The question we all must face as we look in the mirror. What is it? Where is my letter from Birmingham Jail?

     In his letter, Dr. King lays out in detail the problems he faces and, to a large extent, the disappointment he feels from his own leaders in the black religious community. But he doesn’t stop there. He calls out members of the religious community in general, and all people who profess belief in change and action for moderate protest. He lays out his case using descriptive phrases  and impassioned writing that he was able to draw from the depths of his soul. King also relied on the words and deeds of the many great thinkers and philosophers who came before him to make his case.

   All these things made the most eloquent of cases to bolster his argument that the time for speeches was long past, and the time for action was now.  For these reasons, I am moved by the “I Have a Dream” speech which came to represent so many things to so many people over the years. But in his letter, written from Birmingham Jail, I am elevated to a higher plane when reflecting on the anguish and torment buried deep and yet resonating loudly through the passages of time. Here is a man burdened with all that life may throw at you, as he sits imprisoned in a Birmingham jail, and instead of resorting to violence and anger, he channels his energies to create a charter for others to live and to die for.

Dr. King’s letter from Birmingham Jail not only resonates down the passages of time, it soars to new heights in this age of uncertainty and anger. It moves me even now, as I read it and listen to a man passionately inspired to write:

“The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jet-like speed toward gaining political independence, but we still creep at horse-and-buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter. Perhaps it is easy for those who have never felt the stinging darts of segregation to say, “Wait.” But when you have seen vicious mobs lynch your mothers and fathers at will and drown your sisters and brothers at whim; when you have seen hate-filled policemen curse, kick, and even kill your black brothers and sisters; when you see the vast majority of your twenty million Negro brothers smoldering in an airtight cage of poverty in the midst of an affluent society; when you suddenly find your tongue twisted and your speech stammering as you seek to explain to your six-year-old daughter why she can’t go to the public amusement park that has just been advertised on television, and see tears welling up in her eyes when she is told that Funtown is closed to colored children, and see ominous clouds of inferiority beginning to form in her little mental sky, and see her beginning to distort her personality by developing an unconscious bitterness toward white people; when you have to concoct an answer for a five-year-old son who is asking, ‘Daddy, why do white people treat colored people so mean?”; when you take a cross-country drive and find it necessary to sleep night after night in the uncomfortable corners of your automobile because no motel will accept you; when you are humiliated day in and day out by nagging signs reading “white” and “colored”’ when your first name becomes “nigger,” your middle name becomes “boy” (however old you are) and your last name becomes “John” and your wife and mother are never given the respected title “Mrs.”; when you are harried by day and haunted by night by the fact that you are a Negro, living constantly at tiptoe stance, never quite knowing what to expect next, and are plagued with inner fears and outer resentments; when you are forever fighting a degenerating sense of “Nobody-ness”-then you will understand why we find it difficult to wait.”

These powerful words were interspersed with references from the apostle Paul to the theologian Paul Tillich, from the philosopher Socrates to St. Augustine. Dr. King argued that “everything Adolf Hitler did was legal” as a response to those questioning his civil disobedience of unjust laws. Dr. King laid out a logical yet impassioned defense for all those who might stand in his way or deter him from reaching his goals. To my mind, this is the heart and soul of who this man was. 

We should take to our hearts the passionate spirit of his “I have a Dream” speech, but we should commit to read and to adhere to the principles found in King’s letter from Birmingham Jail.

And above all, we should ask ourselves-where is our letter? In our lives, what are we doing to commit to a cause greater than ourselves? In the end, we all stand alone, and our actions are judged as we leave this Earth by our legacy and commitment to those things that cannot be tallied with the aid of a ledger or spreadsheet. It is what we commit to believe in that envelops us from the depths of our soul and past the limits of our bodies. That is the question to answer. What is it? Where is your letter from Birmingham Jail?